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Children of Abuse
from: ParentingKidsToday.comEvery day it seems that local and national media stations tell stories concerning abuse that has been perpetrated on children, reminding us of the plight of children of abuse. We hear stories of children being starved, beaten, imprisoned, burned, and emotionally and sexually abused. Milk cartons, newspapers, shopping carts and billboards carry the message that a child only needs to call a hotline and help will arrive shortly.
However, even when a suspected child abuse incident has been reported, this does not always end up safeguarding the child from further abuse. Many times some of the worst cases are those that the authorities had been notified of, and further determined that the child was indeed at risk, yet the child was left in the care of the abuser. In other incidents, such as when an abused partner flees from domestic violence, the children are often the innocent witnesses to the battering. In too many cases the abuser not only takes it out on their spouse, but harms the children as well.
One lesser well known aspect of family violence is that there are many times when sole custody is granted to the abuser. Studies completed by the American Judges Foundation show that, unfortunately for children of abuse, the most common reason for the victim to resume the abusive relationship is that they are afraid sole custody or unsupervised visitation will be given to the abuser, or that they will make good on threats to take the children. Amazingly, in 70% of challenged custody cases, the abuser is able to convince the authorities that the victim is actually unfit or undeserving to have sole custody of the children.
The mere idea that child abusers actually do get awarded custody even when there has been a domestic violence conviction or reliable evidence of child abuse is absolutely bizarre. Even those who have experienced it would not have thought it possible until it happened to them.
Most of us assume that in a case of domestic violence a family court judge would look at the case history, verify any medical evidence and listen to the horrible stories the abused children have to tell and then offer protection. Sadly, that is often not what happens. The children of abuse tell someone of their pain, believing that they will be helped, yet help does not come. So why should they then believe that they are deserving of help and protection?
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