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Parenting Abused Children
from: ParentingKidsToday.comThe children of abusive parents or caregivers have been suffering for a long time, but it has only been within the last decade or so that the amount of abuse, the behavioral problems, the emotional trauma and long term effects have become known. Statistics cite that 1 out of 5 boys and 1 out of 3 girls will be exposed to sexual abuse before their 18th birthday. These figures are frightening. However, when it comes to special needs fostering or adoption the numbers are worse. The statistics for special needs parenting states that approximately 85% to 95% of these kids were abused before going into the foster or adopted home.
When an American visits a foreign country and does not speak the language, they are obviously at a disadvantage. The same holds true with adoptive or foster families when exploited children come to them. These kids have a learned language or attitude that is very different from that of a non-abused child. This requires the adoptive or foster parents to learn the many different ways of interpreting behavior that is unique to that particular child's experiences.
In order to understand this "language," the adult must first recognize the fact that abuse is a very traumatic life event that affects mental health; one that can over-power the ability to cope, much less problem solve. Proper parenting requires the new parent to understand that an event of this magnitude usually means that every way that a child had of protecting him or herself has become useless.
For those children who are in a foster home or have been adopted it can be even more difficult for them to adapt. This is because on top of the already traumatic abuse that was on them, they now have to deal with a feeling of parental loss and abandonment.
Parenting an abused child, whether it was sexual, physical or emotional, is difficult at best and challenging at the very least. Often the new caregiver's desires and the child's distorted views will clash, yet with an innate desire to nurture and the child's desire to heal, it will often result in a positive experience for both. And the first step towards healing is learning the "language" of abuse.
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